Powerful writing, Abbey. You are a wonder on so many levels given that you have been through things like this. Loving kindness coming your way, dear one. ❤️🙏
You experienced and saw things you NEVER should have. I’m grateful that wise, Abbey knew this was beyond messed up, even if you did not have language for it yet. So many feelings I have reading this. Grateful you are continuing to excavate, and uncover what was never yours to carry. Loving care to that little one who had to grow up and become street wise at such a tender age. 💜💕💜
So am I. I’m glad you overcame and got healed from your experience. I guess I can say I was healed from mines. But the damage it left on my pursuit of the opposite sex growing up is something that’ll remain a scar.
I understand this deeply. It is a scar. It will never go away. It only becomes something we have to learn how to live with. A lot of my healing came from finding someone / people who made me feel safe. Also talking about it / writing about it is pure medicine. And then I healed further once I became estranged from my birth family. I didn’t realize how much I attached them to what had happened to me.
I’m glad that you were able to cut off your birth family who enabled it. The first time it happened at 4 years of age to me in ‘87 was due to whom my mom was trusting to babysit me. My mom was young at the time and couldn’t read the character of people who had relatives who were troubled. She was beside herself when she found out that my Babysitter’s Nephew was abusing and bullying me. When it happened the 2nd time in 1991 at 8 years of age, it was even worse. Because it occurred at the hands of someone who I thought was my friend and who I trusted. She was only 11 years old and 3 years my senior and my neighbor. What’s worse is that I didn’t tell anyone because my Stepfather used to be a tyrant. His Belt was what I feared far more than anything. I was afraid he wouldn’t believe me. This incident definitely impacted my life growing up because it made me believe that Women of Color hated my guts and didn’t want me.
Abbey, first of all I am so sorry your tender young heart had to witness all that, not to mention live life with those types of “father figures”.
But it is clear to me that you have done the (very) hard work of setting yourself free from them, grounding yourself, and refusing to allow it to impact the woman, parent, person— in all ways—you have become.
Although I’ve only read a few of your pieces (being new and all), your compelling writing reminds me of memoirs I have loved: The Glass Castle; Educated. With your compelling writing style, I’d bet there are a lot of people who would be thrilled to read your memoir.
You just made me cry, Susan. This was gorgeous and so very generous of you to say. The work I’ve done to not be like these people do make me proud. Thank you. A million thank yous❤️
Unfortunately many men who should never be let around any children including their own. And yes women too but men. A socialized entitlement to own spaces in a way that has no boundaries or no consideration for those around them. The wanting to get caught part is even more gross.
Isn’t that the wildest part of it all? I mean, it doesn’t make actual sense because their behavior isn’t logical. It’s all mood-based and convenience oriented. I feel like we could talk about this for hours!! with hug breaks of course
Oh my goodness. This is so powerful, Jane. Thank you. It’s odd how vulnerable I did feel after it was published here. I didn’t feel any sort of way when I was writing it.. or when I first published it elsewhere months ago. But right after I hit the button yesterday, things felt different. And I sat with those feelings all day to try to learn from them.
A brave and generous piece Abby. Very moved and also inspired by your commitment to reparenting while parenting. That takes immense fortitude and a real desire to want better for yourself and your kids. I hope you give yourself credit for some great writing and head on healing.
Oh, Sherry this is really kind of you. Thank you. I do give myself credit for the healing, actually. Thank you for saying that. I’m proud of where I am in spite of where / and who I came from. I have a great and trusting relationship with my children. I couldn’t feel those things if i were still in a relationship with them.
My mother is a narcissist. She never pleasured herself in front of me, but she did have this weird habit of wanting to talk to me while she took a shit - with me sitting on the bathroom counter watching her. My older brother had the same odd habit. I was young. Wasn’t sure what to think of the situation. I do know now that the feeling I had felt was uneasiness - I was uncomfortable, but when I tried to leave, they were adamant that the discussion was so important it just had to happen then.
I’m sorry you experienced those moments - oddly twice with two different people. That’s just so odd and random.
I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in parenting myself. My husband of 21 years has been a major support and help to me, but it is sad not having a solid parental figure who was just never there for me.
Wow… this is fascinating. I’m so sorry you went through that. How uncomfortable for a child! And I also understand! Completely. That was also the case for me too… narcissistic personality disorder is really so bizarre, isn’t it? I’m so glad you’re in a good place now. You deserve it❤️
@Elaine R. Frieman ❤️
@Esoterik Espionage ❤️
@Alien_Relay 3.0. thank you, dear ❤️
Powerful writing, Abbey. You are a wonder on so many levels given that you have been through things like this. Loving kindness coming your way, dear one. ❤️🙏
Echoing Craig here. 🙏
Thank you, sweet lovely❤️
Whew. Thank you, Craig. That really means so much. I appreciate you❤️
You experienced and saw things you NEVER should have. I’m grateful that wise, Abbey knew this was beyond messed up, even if you did not have language for it yet. So many feelings I have reading this. Grateful you are continuing to excavate, and uncover what was never yours to carry. Loving care to that little one who had to grow up and become street wise at such a tender age. 💜💕💜
Oh, Joanie. You are a gem. Thank you so much for this offering. “Street wise at such a tender age” is beautiful. Xx
You are fortunate though and Blessed that you didn’t become a Child Sex Abuse Survivor.
That’s Far Worse and it feels even more unfair that it happened.
I am also that
So am I. I’m glad you overcame and got healed from your experience. I guess I can say I was healed from mines. But the damage it left on my pursuit of the opposite sex growing up is something that’ll remain a scar.
I understand this deeply. It is a scar. It will never go away. It only becomes something we have to learn how to live with. A lot of my healing came from finding someone / people who made me feel safe. Also talking about it / writing about it is pure medicine. And then I healed further once I became estranged from my birth family. I didn’t realize how much I attached them to what had happened to me.
I’m glad that you were able to cut off your birth family who enabled it. The first time it happened at 4 years of age to me in ‘87 was due to whom my mom was trusting to babysit me. My mom was young at the time and couldn’t read the character of people who had relatives who were troubled. She was beside herself when she found out that my Babysitter’s Nephew was abusing and bullying me. When it happened the 2nd time in 1991 at 8 years of age, it was even worse. Because it occurred at the hands of someone who I thought was my friend and who I trusted. She was only 11 years old and 3 years my senior and my neighbor. What’s worse is that I didn’t tell anyone because my Stepfather used to be a tyrant. His Belt was what I feared far more than anything. I was afraid he wouldn’t believe me. This incident definitely impacted my life growing up because it made me believe that Women of Color hated my guts and didn’t want me.
Abbey, first of all I am so sorry your tender young heart had to witness all that, not to mention live life with those types of “father figures”.
But it is clear to me that you have done the (very) hard work of setting yourself free from them, grounding yourself, and refusing to allow it to impact the woman, parent, person— in all ways—you have become.
Although I’ve only read a few of your pieces (being new and all), your compelling writing reminds me of memoirs I have loved: The Glass Castle; Educated. With your compelling writing style, I’d bet there are a lot of people who would be thrilled to read your memoir.
You just made me cry, Susan. This was gorgeous and so very generous of you to say. The work I’ve done to not be like these people do make me proud. Thank you. A million thank yous❤️
Double ❤️❤️
Unfortunately many men who should never be let around any children including their own. And yes women too but men. A socialized entitlement to own spaces in a way that has no boundaries or no consideration for those around them. The wanting to get caught part is even more gross.
So so gross.
“A socialized entitlement to own spaces…”. 100% Dana. It’s a huge problem. So spot on
These men had mothers.
Isn’t that the wildest part of it all? I mean, it doesn’t make actual sense because their behavior isn’t logical. It’s all mood-based and convenience oriented. I feel like we could talk about this for hours!! with hug breaks of course
Way to deflect, bro.
The number 1 cause of death for women and girls in the world is men.
Not the response you think it is.
Each one of those men had a mother.
Your storytelling is so beautiful and compelling, I couldn't look away and felt it in my solar plexus. Thank you for this vulnerable share.
Oh my goodness. This is so powerful, Jane. Thank you. It’s odd how vulnerable I did feel after it was published here. I didn’t feel any sort of way when I was writing it.. or when I first published it elsewhere months ago. But right after I hit the button yesterday, things felt different. And I sat with those feelings all day to try to learn from them.
You didn’t just write a story—you shattered a cycle. This is survival turned into art.
Allen!! This is incredible of you to say. Thank you so much
All I felt when my childhood abuser died was relief.
I’m so sorry you went through what you did. And that’s a very normal reaction. I still have some people that I’m waiting to feel relief from…
A brave and generous piece Abby. Very moved and also inspired by your commitment to reparenting while parenting. That takes immense fortitude and a real desire to want better for yourself and your kids. I hope you give yourself credit for some great writing and head on healing.
Oh, Sherry this is really kind of you. Thank you. I do give myself credit for the healing, actually. Thank you for saying that. I’m proud of where I am in spite of where / and who I came from. I have a great and trusting relationship with my children. I couldn’t feel those things if i were still in a relationship with them.
This meant a lot. Thank you so much❤️
🫶🏻
My mother is a narcissist. She never pleasured herself in front of me, but she did have this weird habit of wanting to talk to me while she took a shit - with me sitting on the bathroom counter watching her. My older brother had the same odd habit. I was young. Wasn’t sure what to think of the situation. I do know now that the feeling I had felt was uneasiness - I was uncomfortable, but when I tried to leave, they were adamant that the discussion was so important it just had to happen then.
I’m sorry you experienced those moments - oddly twice with two different people. That’s just so odd and random.
I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in parenting myself. My husband of 21 years has been a major support and help to me, but it is sad not having a solid parental figure who was just never there for me.
Thank you for sharing.
Wow… this is fascinating. I’m so sorry you went through that. How uncomfortable for a child! And I also understand! Completely. That was also the case for me too… narcissistic personality disorder is really so bizarre, isn’t it? I’m so glad you’re in a good place now. You deserve it❤️
I absolutely believe in those closed doors too…but with a reliable lock 🤣 thanks for sharing…hugs!!! ❤️😘
Haha yes!!
Powerful and brave post, Abbey. Hugs.
Thanks, love❤️
Thank you for such an honest look at the effect bad parents and grandparents have and your non-negotiables for your kids!
Thanks so much, Hilary! That’s so sweet of you. Love to you❤️