What is wrong with people that they don’t know women have sex and oh my even one night stands. Who do they think men are having one night stands with?
I thought I was marrying every guy I ever dated. And once you had sex, then for sure you were getting married. So stupid, just to stay Christian like marrying the wrong person helps. Why I was married at 17. I did have a period of sexual freedom or desperation where I went through a few men. But I learned while casual sex can be fun and exciting I prefer a relationship.
Do what makes you happy! Until it doesn’t and then do something else.
I’m a relationship person too, Yvonne. I wanted / needed to try different things to see what felt right for me. I believe that’s what’s important. As long as it’s consensual, that’s part of growing up. That’s part of learning who we are.
And I will never understand why it’s such a big deal that a woman may go about her world casually, and then chooses to admit to it in an essay.
Thank you, Yvonne. For being you and showing up so honestly. Love to you❤️
Women apparently aren’t supposed to talk like this or behave in such a way according to a fair amount of the population. It has never made sense to me, but it’s a truth I’ve always known
Ok you’re scaring me. I had planned on sharing many of my stories from my 20s, but now I’m afraid I’m going to lose my small subscriber count. And I like my subscribers… damn.
I’m still going to tell those stories because I’m all about the truth these days but you have given me something to think about.
I did want to say in affirmation of what you said, guys in general tend to mistake intimacy for connection. This is very common in my experience. And there is a hugely unfair double standard when it comes to women and men in this area.
Thank you for this, Mike. I love you for staying in this room with me. You’re a hell of a man for doing so.
Women do that too. The difference is that it’s more widely socially acceptable for a man to casually date than it is for a woman.
We all have the same insecurities and fears. And we deal with them in different ways.
I really wanted to speak on my own personal experience about what it felt like trying to live life as a casual dater and promiscuous person when at my core, I’m a relationship person. I’m a lover of love. Goodness, I fall in love all the time.
But I wanted to do the things that the people around me were doing so effortlessly.
It just didn’t take.
And I know that because I tried.
Maybe it didn’t take because it’s not meant to take for anyone? I don’t have all the answers.
But I do know I should be allowed to share these things the same as you should. The same as anyone should.
Love to you, Mike. Thank you for sharing with me❤️
I totally get this...trust me. I also fall in love all the time. Hell, I fell in love with you during the course of this thread. See? ...and now it's over. Sad. But, I want you to remember, we'll always have Paris.
I'm gobsmacked you lost subscribers over this post. Wow! we have come so far, yet not. Judgement is still so fucking in force - it's 2025 WTAF!! I think we may have been freer in the sixties, or was that all just an illusion too! Love this post, thank you xo
Samira!! This is the absolute best. I love you already. Thank you. And I agree… it’s wild to imagine how this could have sent so many people over the edge. But they needed to do what they needed to do. You’re wonderful❤️.
Abbey, I appreciate you writing your experience in the "sexual freedom" and one-night stand realm. I had plenty of the same in my youth...and it was an unmitigated disaster and what I myself, write about, from the Boomer perspective. There are repercussions to behavior, unpleasant ones. For me, not remotely fun. Keep on, Abbey! Wendy
Thank you, Wendy. I just wanted to write on the fact that I tried this type of lifestyle a couple times because it seemed like everyone else was doing it. And it just never was my thing. I think that’s important in your youth… it’s how you figure out truly who you are and what you want.
What’s been interesting is how it’s been received and very much confused since I shared it here. Even worse than it was after its first publish. And that’s disappointing.
Abbey, bless you! Finding the right path in life is not easy. The sexual revolution of my own Boomer youth, pushed huge lies on us, especially young women. I marched down right after graduating high school, 1971, got on the blasted B.C. pill and got busy. I promptly got gonorrhea. I also got crab licc and trichomonas, such glamorous fun and freedom! Ihad two abortions in 1973, more fun and glamour, dispatching my offspring, one from a one night stand who never knew! I lost count of my sexual partners from age 18 to 28...likely at least 50, mostly men, a few women. 99% were awful sex and soul-less couplings that were unpleasant for me. I guess I kept hoping and that is exactly how the devil lures and traps people. I am not preaching or scolding. I am speaking a cold and difficult reality of promiscuity. I already paid a steep price. I do not want that to be the result for others, including you. God created humans and designed sexuality for intimacy between husband and wife, for the continuation of humanity and also for pleasure between them both! He is not against intimacy and pleasure, He is for it shared in the covenant of marriage. Did I succeed with this? No, I did not. Is it worth pursuing? Yes. Bless you on your journey, Abbey, you have a good heart and keep seeking! Wendy
You’re so very lovely, Wendy, and I greatly appreciate your sharing with me!! Truly, we need so much more of this open dialogue between women. Today, especially, I cherish this. Thank you.
Abbey, I agree with you, open dialogue between women is needed, raw truth and not buffed up to appear pretty. Women have great value, much of it tarnished and trashed by popular culture. A short prayer on your behalf: "Papa God, I pray for this wonderful lady, Abbey, one of Your dear creations. I ask you, Father, to clearly show her the incredible gifts You gave her, hers alone and show her the narrow path to use these gifts to help others as well as herself. Pour Your love on her and bless her efforts day by day. Hear her voice if she calls to you for help in time of need. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. " Wendy
So well written Abbey! You are right--when women talk like that, they are labeled a slut. Even today. unless you are Cardi B and whoever else sang WAP. Why wasn't the content approved? We definitely need more women who don't apologize for their sexuality. I am working on a post about masturbation, orgasms and sex. Thanks for sharing. sabrinalabow.substack.com
Thank you so much, Sabrina. This means a heck of a lot. I guess scroll through some of the more recent comments and you’ll see why? Hypocrisy at its finest, my dear.
Abbey, I resonate so much with what you share. This line hit like a lightning bolt…” I know I hurt a lot of people by not being ‘their one’, but that’s not something they get to decide for me”. Holy cats. I know that place and space. And the soul bearing by the cucumbers by acquaintance and strangers alike.
This was really hard for me to read and empathize with. I think it’s because we’re coming from radically different understandings and experiences of what sex is for.
Just speaking from my own experience…I’ve only ever had sex with one man, and I married him first. I can’t fathom sharing that part of myself with multiple people, or not letting sharing myself in that way change me and how I relate to him and to others. It’s changed me immensely, and I think that’s been a good thing. In some ways, I feel like I’ve grown and I’m more whole: not that my husband completes me, but my relationship with him as a stable point has made me become more myself.
I’m not judging. I’m just observing how very different my path and yours has been, and that the differences between how we understand that part of ourselves are almost like we’re speaking two completely different languages.
No wonder conversation around this stuff can get so heated and difficult.
Hi, Emily. Thank you for showing up so authentically and with such honesty. I don’t feel your judgement at all. I’d only like to point out that (and not just for you! There has been a wild misconception surrounding this piece) :
I only wrote about one account of sexual intercourse.
And I’m only writing about the experiences I had in this vein. From childhood through teenage-hood through young adulthood. I’m not speaking to who I am today in that realm.
I could also write countless articles about all of the monogamy and commitment in my life.
I appreciate you showing up with kindness. Thank you for that
As always, you write beautifully. I had my time with a lot of dating in my late 30s/early 40s, when I evidently became the hot commodity I never was when I was younger. Maybe some time I’ll write about it. I often feel guilty for feeling as you described as I went through this period. But now, looking back in a wonderful relationship, can see it as just a fascinating experience that got me to where I am today! I always enjoy your writing, Abbey.
Aw man. Thank you so much for this, Greg. You are truly a gem and I appreciate you so much. I had someone a couple comments ago leave some pretty nasty remarks. It’s sad that these people exist.
And I’d love to read that if you ever did write about it. Love to you❤️
I think it’s projection- and I’m sorry to see it when men do it out of misplaced resentment. This is your story, not theirs - please continue to write from a place of honesty, without having to walk on eggshells for people with fragile egos. ❤️ 😉
This is so beautifully unapologetic. Your voice is honest, tender, and strong all at once. Thank you for writing what so many have felt but never had the words—or courage—to say.
Thank you, Allen. That’s so kind of you. If you only knew how much this means to me. And your timing is very much appreciated. The comments before you were less than savory. Wish I could hug you ❤️
You should read Perfume....some people just have a magic that works the way you have it. You have to be careful with your special power as the wake behind you can be very large. Glad you understand it better now^^
Abbey. Powerful. Scary, maybe. I appreciate the opportunity to live a bit of your life through your eyes and heart. Love you, dear one. ♥️ glad you are here with us.
Thank you, Craig. I didn’t have the correct male figure in my life to guide me into the safer choices. But I do know I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything. I needed to learn who I was and what I wanted. You’re so good to me and I appreciate that so very much. Love you back❤️
I was too timid and shy to do the things you describe. I was a virgin until I was 23 years old, for God’s sake. I wish I could have been more like you. Never sowed my wild oats as they say.
Oh, Craig. You’re too kind. Everyone needs to start from wherever it is they’re meant to. I could also write a whole piece on being too timid and shy in my own moments. And how I was “late” to a lot of things. But I also don’t believe there is a late. Or an early.
What is wrong with people that they don’t know women have sex and oh my even one night stands. Who do they think men are having one night stands with?
I thought I was marrying every guy I ever dated. And once you had sex, then for sure you were getting married. So stupid, just to stay Christian like marrying the wrong person helps. Why I was married at 17. I did have a period of sexual freedom or desperation where I went through a few men. But I learned while casual sex can be fun and exciting I prefer a relationship.
Do what makes you happy! Until it doesn’t and then do something else.
I’m a relationship person too, Yvonne. I wanted / needed to try different things to see what felt right for me. I believe that’s what’s important. As long as it’s consensual, that’s part of growing up. That’s part of learning who we are.
And I will never understand why it’s such a big deal that a woman may go about her world casually, and then chooses to admit to it in an essay.
Thank you, Yvonne. For being you and showing up so honestly. Love to you❤️
Married at 17? I'm so sorry 🤯
Live and learn. So many stupid things result from the purity culture, besides purity.
That’s so true. And I’m so glad that you speak up about it
@Jake you’re always so supportive. Thank you❤️
I dont know why you lost subscribers. I mean it reminded me of all the small one off relationships I had too in my teens and 20's.
Women apparently aren’t supposed to talk like this or behave in such a way according to a fair amount of the population. It has never made sense to me, but it’s a truth I’ve always known
Hypocrisy, I cant stand it in the American culture.
Yep. It’s awful
Ok you’re scaring me. I had planned on sharing many of my stories from my 20s, but now I’m afraid I’m going to lose my small subscriber count. And I like my subscribers… damn.
I’m still going to tell those stories because I’m all about the truth these days but you have given me something to think about.
Mike, my darling. You’ll be fine. You’re a man. And that’s sadly how things work. I look forward to reading what you have to say. Say them.
I did want to say in affirmation of what you said, guys in general tend to mistake intimacy for connection. This is very common in my experience. And there is a hugely unfair double standard when it comes to women and men in this area.
Thank you for this, Mike. I love you for staying in this room with me. You’re a hell of a man for doing so.
Women do that too. The difference is that it’s more widely socially acceptable for a man to casually date than it is for a woman.
We all have the same insecurities and fears. And we deal with them in different ways.
I really wanted to speak on my own personal experience about what it felt like trying to live life as a casual dater and promiscuous person when at my core, I’m a relationship person. I’m a lover of love. Goodness, I fall in love all the time.
But I wanted to do the things that the people around me were doing so effortlessly.
It just didn’t take.
And I know that because I tried.
Maybe it didn’t take because it’s not meant to take for anyone? I don’t have all the answers.
But I do know I should be allowed to share these things the same as you should. The same as anyone should.
Love to you, Mike. Thank you for sharing with me❤️
I totally get this...trust me. I also fall in love all the time. Hell, I fell in love with you during the course of this thread. See? ...and now it's over. Sad. But, I want you to remember, we'll always have Paris.
Mike… don’t go.
I'm gobsmacked you lost subscribers over this post. Wow! we have come so far, yet not. Judgement is still so fucking in force - it's 2025 WTAF!! I think we may have been freer in the sixties, or was that all just an illusion too! Love this post, thank you xo
Samira!! This is the absolute best. I love you already. Thank you. And I agree… it’s wild to imagine how this could have sent so many people over the edge. But they needed to do what they needed to do. You’re wonderful❤️.
Awww love, thank you! You are wonderful. Keep posting. Keep sharing. Keep being real! I'm so sick of this performative nonsense 🖤
I love this one Abbey.
Spot on to the female experience that we’re never allowed to say we’ve experienced.
Thank you, Candy. Thank.
You.
Just another reason why I love you so much. This shouldn’t be taboo. It shouldn’t be an invitation. It’s sharing.
I enjoyed reading this! Jorts and third base 😂
Haha ahhhh to be young again when making out on the sand was comfortable. Thanks, green eyed Chris ❤️
Still can be. I have a bag of sand at home - wanna make out?
The sand that comes in the bag is much softer. I’ll bring snacks and electrolytes
Nice. Door is unlocked
Abbey, I appreciate you writing your experience in the "sexual freedom" and one-night stand realm. I had plenty of the same in my youth...and it was an unmitigated disaster and what I myself, write about, from the Boomer perspective. There are repercussions to behavior, unpleasant ones. For me, not remotely fun. Keep on, Abbey! Wendy
Thank you, Wendy. I just wanted to write on the fact that I tried this type of lifestyle a couple times because it seemed like everyone else was doing it. And it just never was my thing. I think that’s important in your youth… it’s how you figure out truly who you are and what you want.
What’s been interesting is how it’s been received and very much confused since I shared it here. Even worse than it was after its first publish. And that’s disappointing.
I appreciate you reading and sharing❤️
Abbey, bless you! Finding the right path in life is not easy. The sexual revolution of my own Boomer youth, pushed huge lies on us, especially young women. I marched down right after graduating high school, 1971, got on the blasted B.C. pill and got busy. I promptly got gonorrhea. I also got crab licc and trichomonas, such glamorous fun and freedom! Ihad two abortions in 1973, more fun and glamour, dispatching my offspring, one from a one night stand who never knew! I lost count of my sexual partners from age 18 to 28...likely at least 50, mostly men, a few women. 99% were awful sex and soul-less couplings that were unpleasant for me. I guess I kept hoping and that is exactly how the devil lures and traps people. I am not preaching or scolding. I am speaking a cold and difficult reality of promiscuity. I already paid a steep price. I do not want that to be the result for others, including you. God created humans and designed sexuality for intimacy between husband and wife, for the continuation of humanity and also for pleasure between them both! He is not against intimacy and pleasure, He is for it shared in the covenant of marriage. Did I succeed with this? No, I did not. Is it worth pursuing? Yes. Bless you on your journey, Abbey, you have a good heart and keep seeking! Wendy
You’re so very lovely, Wendy, and I greatly appreciate your sharing with me!! Truly, we need so much more of this open dialogue between women. Today, especially, I cherish this. Thank you.
Abbey, I agree with you, open dialogue between women is needed, raw truth and not buffed up to appear pretty. Women have great value, much of it tarnished and trashed by popular culture. A short prayer on your behalf: "Papa God, I pray for this wonderful lady, Abbey, one of Your dear creations. I ask you, Father, to clearly show her the incredible gifts You gave her, hers alone and show her the narrow path to use these gifts to help others as well as herself. Pour Your love on her and bless her efforts day by day. Hear her voice if she calls to you for help in time of need. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. " Wendy
So well written Abbey! You are right--when women talk like that, they are labeled a slut. Even today. unless you are Cardi B and whoever else sang WAP. Why wasn't the content approved? We definitely need more women who don't apologize for their sexuality. I am working on a post about masturbation, orgasms and sex. Thanks for sharing. sabrinalabow.substack.com
Thank you so much, Sabrina. This means a heck of a lot. I guess scroll through some of the more recent comments and you’ll see why? Hypocrisy at its finest, my dear.
And I can’t wait to read that. Good for you
Abbey, I resonate so much with what you share. This line hit like a lightning bolt…” I know I hurt a lot of people by not being ‘their one’, but that’s not something they get to decide for me”. Holy cats. I know that place and space. And the soul bearing by the cucumbers by acquaintance and strangers alike.
Wow. You’re a magnetic cucumber adjacent attractor too??! Goodness, if we ever meet in person - watch out, world!!
You’re such a gem. Thank you for your love and support, Jess❤️
Ha, no doubt…the energetic field we could create in person! Witchy wonderment. ✨💜
YES!!!
Freaking obsessed with this one! I like your light hearted, seemingly frivolous, but still has lots of meaning kind of writing! It’s so refreshing.
Angela!!! You are such a doll. Wanna squeeze you. Thank you!! So much thanks and love to you❤️❤️❤️
Absolutely loved this!
It’s so refreshing to hear it from the other side and so candidly.
You had a lucky escape from Joe’s family. They sound the type to murder people and taxidermy them so they can never leave 😂😂
Thank you for this piece, I thought it was excellent! 👏
Holy hell. This means so much! Thank you. Truly, I really appreciate this exact type of support.
You’re not wrong about Joe’s family, me thinks…
Now, hold please while I swim across this little pond to hug you
Bless you!
I’m sure there will be people out there with their pitchforks over this, but whatever their gripe is, it’s theirs and theirs alone.
It was Brilliantly done, if anyone disagrees… their dad applies for the Miss World contest every year.
Keep it up! You’re a gem! 🫵🏼❤️
You’re an even bigger gem. That was so generous. Thank you again. Love to you❤️
This was really hard for me to read and empathize with. I think it’s because we’re coming from radically different understandings and experiences of what sex is for.
Just speaking from my own experience…I’ve only ever had sex with one man, and I married him first. I can’t fathom sharing that part of myself with multiple people, or not letting sharing myself in that way change me and how I relate to him and to others. It’s changed me immensely, and I think that’s been a good thing. In some ways, I feel like I’ve grown and I’m more whole: not that my husband completes me, but my relationship with him as a stable point has made me become more myself.
I’m not judging. I’m just observing how very different my path and yours has been, and that the differences between how we understand that part of ourselves are almost like we’re speaking two completely different languages.
No wonder conversation around this stuff can get so heated and difficult.
Hi, Emily. Thank you for showing up so authentically and with such honesty. I don’t feel your judgement at all. I’d only like to point out that (and not just for you! There has been a wild misconception surrounding this piece) :
I only wrote about one account of sexual intercourse.
And I’m only writing about the experiences I had in this vein. From childhood through teenage-hood through young adulthood. I’m not speaking to who I am today in that realm.
I could also write countless articles about all of the monogamy and commitment in my life.
I appreciate you showing up with kindness. Thank you for that
Thank you for reading it with kindness, too. <3
Of course! Before you showed up, I was dragged through the dirt! I’ve had lots of wonderful and supportive people chime in as well.
I love having conversations with people who may see things differently than I do. That’s how we learn and grow.
Love to you, Emily❤️
As always, you write beautifully. I had my time with a lot of dating in my late 30s/early 40s, when I evidently became the hot commodity I never was when I was younger. Maybe some time I’ll write about it. I often feel guilty for feeling as you described as I went through this period. But now, looking back in a wonderful relationship, can see it as just a fascinating experience that got me to where I am today! I always enjoy your writing, Abbey.
Aw man. Thank you so much for this, Greg. You are truly a gem and I appreciate you so much. I had someone a couple comments ago leave some pretty nasty remarks. It’s sad that these people exist.
And I’d love to read that if you ever did write about it. Love to you❤️
I think it’s projection- and I’m sorry to see it when men do it out of misplaced resentment. This is your story, not theirs - please continue to write from a place of honesty, without having to walk on eggshells for people with fragile egos. ❤️ 😉
Thank you, Greg. You’re right. And I do know all of that to be true. I really do appreciate you❤️
This is so beautifully unapologetic. Your voice is honest, tender, and strong all at once. Thank you for writing what so many have felt but never had the words—or courage—to say.
Thank you, Allen. That’s so kind of you. If you only knew how much this means to me. And your timing is very much appreciated. The comments before you were less than savory. Wish I could hug you ❤️
OMg, a new fav read!! ✊👏 So good. Thank you for sharing.
Bryce!!!! Thank you so much. This means the world❤️
You should read Perfume....some people just have a magic that works the way you have it. You have to be careful with your special power as the wake behind you can be very large. Glad you understand it better now^^
Awww that’s so kind of you to say. Thank you. Understanding myself took me some time. I’m glad it happened, too. Thank you❤️
Abbey. Powerful. Scary, maybe. I appreciate the opportunity to live a bit of your life through your eyes and heart. Love you, dear one. ♥️ glad you are here with us.
Thank you, Craig. I didn’t have the correct male figure in my life to guide me into the safer choices. But I do know I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything. I needed to learn who I was and what I wanted. You’re so good to me and I appreciate that so very much. Love you back❤️
I was too timid and shy to do the things you describe. I was a virgin until I was 23 years old, for God’s sake. I wish I could have been more like you. Never sowed my wild oats as they say.
Oh, Craig. You’re too kind. Everyone needs to start from wherever it is they’re meant to. I could also write a whole piece on being too timid and shy in my own moments. And how I was “late” to a lot of things. But I also don’t believe there is a late. Or an early.
We all must walk our own paths even if, sometimes, we are lucky and can share the journey now and again.
Absolutely❤️